Long Distance emotionally attached!

“So I recently met this guy during a convention out of town. We happen to make eye contact and decided to exchange numbers the conversation was short due to the fact that he was on his way to the airport. Fast forward we live in separate cities but we are beginning to have feelings for each other. How should I continue a long distant relationship with the uncertainty that moving is an option?”

Dear Long Distance Lover,

At the risk of sounding jaded our first inclination is to advise you to RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!  Long distance relationships NEVER WORK, especially those that start off as such.  But after we have calmed a bit and are able to think rationally, we still think that you are in for an uphill battle but the road might not be as bumpy as you think.  Don’t get us wrong, it is definitely hard to get to know someone and try to establish a solid foundation while living in separate cities.  You can’t truly get to know them on weekend visits because everyone is on their best behavior;  in vacation mode.  But who is he when he goes back home?  What happens if you invest all of this time and energy into a long distance relationship, only to then move to the same city and discover a new person that you do not like?  Not to mention the lonely days and nights you will spend because of your commitment to a long distance union.  It’s a bit different if you are in a relationship with someone and unforeseen circumstances causes one of you to have to move away, because you already have a solid foundation to build upon and to sustain you.

Now with this being said, we also feel you can’t help where you find love.  So who are we to say do not pursue a long distance relationship with someone who can potentially be the love of your life?  If the feelings are that strong to be with one another, this can still possibly work.  However, in order to make it happen it will take a lot of effort from you both.  Relationships are already a lot of work within itself, but to build and maintain one that is long distance will be a bit more taxing.  We do wonder why moving is not an option for either of you.  Relationships take sacrifice and for one that is long distance, someone will have to eventually sacrifice their currently living situation to continue to grow and develop the relationship.

One of the first things you and your long distance love must agree upon is where you would like to see the relationship go and how long you are both willing to continue the relationship long distance.  Once this has been established, the four tips below will help you to maintain your relationship while living apart.

1.  Communicate – We all know communication is the key to any successful relationship.  However, when dealing with one that is long distance, communication is all you have and makes it even more important.  Be sure to open up to your partner about worries, doubts or insecurities that could affect your long distance relationship.  We are all human and are bound to be plagued by insecurities but the way to get past them is to be transparent and to allow each other to help.  Also, have regular check-ins with your partner on your relationship’s status and reevaluate your shared goals and plans as necessary.

2.  Spend Quality Time – Sometimes, a long drawn out phone call every night can quickly begin to feel burdensome, leading to resentment. Try to stay in touch with your partner throughout the day instead of scheduling marathon phone calls.  Send a quick email or text to say “I love you” or just let him know you’re thinking of him. Take the time to listen to your partner about what is happening in his life, and to do whatever he needs to feel assured of your commitment. Try to visit as much as possible and don’t worry about scheduling events for the entire stay.  Spend time just being together doing ‘nothing’.  We all need intimacy, so find creative ways to do that.  Be creative.  With video chat and other technologies, it shouldn’t be hard to achieve this.  Even watching a movie together over the phone can be a bonding experience.

3. Trust Each Other – Don’t give him any reason not to trust you.  Being far apart from one another can create uncertainty and conflict when you let your imagination get the best of you.  Keep your insecurities in check and help your partner do the same by ensuring him he has no reason not to trust you.  Don’t keep secrets even if you think they are harmless.  It’s better to find out something from you than another person.

4. Live your life — Don’t stop living because you are in a long distance relationship.  Get a hobby, take a class, exercise and spend time with family and friends!  Meet new people!  Develop yourself spiritually!  You will be a much better partner when you have a full, healthy life.

Good Luck!
Juan & Gee

Comments (2)

  • J. Reinaldo

    I would have to agree with you both on this topic. This is the base of any developing relationship not just long distance. However, being so distant would require a little bit more effort especially in the area of communication, because of the physical nature which is lacking on a weekly/daily basis. I believe in “love” no matter the distance but it has to take two willing to put in the effort and sacrifice to make it work not just the other half, because if so, the relationship will not grow throughout the time invested, gaining nothing in return. I also believe as Juan and Gee mentioned, there will come a time where you both will have to live together and that’s another major sacrifice, that needs to be discussed in the beginning of the development stages of the relationship.

    Always be yourself 100% of the time when you are getting to know someone, never change, always express yourself letting them know how you feel, who you are, and your do’s and don’t; this will not only be a beneficial factor with communication but it will allow the trust area to grow, in return it allows a growth in the relationship.

    Stay positive, be hopeful, believe in love, because it is patient, and nothing awesome is achieved overnight; time and effort must be invested to create just a beautiful lasting relationship. All good things comes to those who wait.

  • LF

    This is rough, my 1st love was long distance, I was going to ATL and he was going to school IN TX we both met in Cali where were both from. well fell in deeper love over the phone, we did run into some issue its hard to grow with distance. but this was two years ago, and were both back in Cali and things are nice, but I will be relocating to ATL soon and he starts school soon here in Cali. I LOVE EM WITH All my heart but I must admit im not sure if I can mentally or physically handle another long distance situation IT IS HELL!!! lol

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